The Fertility Trap

By Christie Jordan, L.Ac.

If there’s one journey that I’ve seen bring even the most high-functioning women into silent despair, it’s the fertility process. It’s already a tender and often challenging path—and yet, there's a common trap I see women fall into that makes it even harder on themselves.

What’s the trap? Trying to control what you simply can’t control.

Whether you’ve been trying for a few months or a few years, each negative pregnancy test or arrival of your period can feel like a devastating blow—plunging you into self-doubt, grief, and frustration. And in that moment, it’s easy to start grasping for control even more tightly.

Let’s be clear: in most cases, the how and when of getting pregnant isn’t something you can fully control—whether you’re trying naturally or through IVF. But here’s the shift: when you accept that uncertainty, when you stop swimming upstream, you free up your energy (your qi) to flow toward something far more productive—nourishing yourself, your body, and your vision for your life.

In Traditional Chinese Medicine, Yang is the masculine energy—action-oriented, controlling, outward. Yin, on the other hand, is the feminine—receptive, intuitive, soft, allowing, nourishing.

Many of us women have built successful lives by operating in our Yang energy—doing, pushing, achieving. We’ve been rewarded for it. We make things happen, even at burnout pace. But when it comes to conception, that same Yang-driven mindset can work against us.

And here’s the spoiler:  Conception lives in the realm of Yin.  It’s about Receiving. Trusting. Letting go. Allowing.

But most of us were never taught how to receive, how to flow, or how to trust. We’re out of balance—over-relying on Yang, and deeply undernourished in our Yin.

So, what can we do?

Start by letting go of what you cannot control. Notice when your mind starts spinning, trying to plan, force, or fix something that isn’t within your power. That awareness alone is powerful. Each time you soften, release, and return to your body, you strengthen your Yin energy. You come home to yourself.

Ever notice how some couples finally conceive after deciding to adopt? That’s not magic. That’s the energy of surrender—of letting go of control.

Use your Yang energy consciously:

• Choose nourishing, clean foods.

• Remove chemical endocrine disruptors from your home.

• Get functional lab work and focus on full-body balance.

• Make time for pleasure, joy, and rest.

• Actively relieve stress through yoga, time in nature, breath-work, qi gong, tai chi, meditation.

And if your body is stuck in chronic fight-or-flight, acupuncture is a beautiful tool to help restore Yin/Yang balance.

Perhaps this longing to become a mother is calling you to something deeper—not just to create life, but to become more fully alive yourself. More present. More nourished. More balanced.  Because in order to nourish the next generation, we must first learn how to nourish ourselves.